Trust is an essential ingredient in making relationships work. No matter the type of relationship you are in, you need to have trust between yourselves to be comfortable in relating to and with each other to a certain extent.
By Rois Ola
An example of mistrust is when someone tells you they are doing or about to do or say something, they are going somewhere and you seriously doubt what they say or do to be what it may truly be.
Okay, let us say Bisi tells Ade she is going out of town for an official training and Ade thinks she is looking for a way to go her ‘man friend’ or if Ade says he has a business meeting somewhere at a particular time and Bisi feels he is lying , obviously they do not trust each other. It is as simple as that.
Saying the truth on little things is very important as little lies will eventually graduate to big lies. This, in turn, will cause distrust and ruin your relationship. How can you trust that what your partner is telling you is true? How can you trust them to be honest with you? The truth is relationships will end up breaking if there is no trust. There may be other reasons attached to relationships being ruined, but trust is a major one.
Can a relationship last without trust?
I am afraid to say this, but the simple answer is no and there are some reasons why any relationship without trust will not work
You will be unable to believe them: When you do not trust someone anymore, you will not trust what he or she is saying. No matter how genuine they may actually appear to be, even if what they say sounds reasonable, you just cannot. Every little thing will become an argument.
Every time they leave the house, you wonder if they are doing what they say they are doing. You start imagining things, overthinking and possibly overreacting too.
You will always feel insecure with them: Once trust is lost, your partner, even if they comment on anything good about you, will never be able to believe them without raising an eyebrow. Everything that comes out of their mouth is a lie to you. Even if they say ‘ I love you more than anything,’ that is just another lie for you.
You will start to resent them: If any couple has trust issues, they cannot function in a healthy way. Every couple needs time apart to be successful and functional. If your time spent apart turns into you worrying about what they are doing, and getting upset because you’re just not sure if they’re being faithful, you will start to resent them.
You will definitely lose respect: How can you be with someone you do not respect? If they have PhD in telling lies, have cheated on you, or caused mistrust in any way, you will not think of them the same way as when you first started the relationship.
When you lose respect for someone, you start to treat them differently. It is unconscious at first, but it is there. You may be meaner, not do as many things for them, or even hurt them deliberately because you don’t have the same respect as you used to. This leads to many more arguments. In turn, it creates a deeper gap between the two of you and eventually if issues go unresolved, you lose the love between you.
You won’t hold them to the same standards: I’m guilty of this. Because I easily go off on anyone I stop trusting, no matter who the person is. Once they tell you one thing, you simply go ahead and make you own plans. By doing so, I accept a standard much less than I deserve to minimize my disappointment. After a while, I just totally cut them off because they tend to still disappoint you. Why? You just do not trust them anymore.
Your will always be anxious: This part is really hard for a lot of people, especially me. When you’re always worrying whether your significant other is telling the truth or being faithful, it takes a toll on your body. It drains you emotionally, physically , mentally and psychologically. It is not just worth the stress unless you can quickly resolve your issues to avoid more damage.
When your anxiety spikes, your stress increases and puts you down a very unhealthy path. Your insecurities increase. You just don’t feel happy with yourself at all. You find your thoughts turning your brain upside down and exposing you to negative feelings and vibes that are not healthy.
Fighting increases: Due to a loss of trust, you pick more fights both relevant issues and irrelevant issues. Arguments arise from them just being late from work one day, or eating their food in an unusual way or even saying simple words, little things will trigger annoyance and then onward to arguments. From simple arguments to major ones and then to anger and unhappiness.
You will end up being unhappy with them: You can see just simple reasons why a relationship will not last and at the end your happiness will be destroyed, if you do not fix things quick. Not trusting your partner leads to so many different issues within the relationship. It is simply not feasible to continue on in a healthy relationship, when trust is lost. You can’t be in a relationship with someone if you’re unhappy.
Trust is very important and essential to the survival of any relationship. It is a choice for you to decide to trust your partner and a choice for the partner to work in line to do things to improve on the trust and trust is fully regained gradually. The recipe for this is accountability and honesty. It may be difficult at first, but it is doable. I wish you all the best.